10 Reasons why Nosara is probably not for you

1. No beach bars or Restaurants on Playa Guiones

A wise man once asked “whats the point in having civilization if we can’t have vacations, and whats the point of even having vacations if we can’t spend them on the beach drinking?” It’s commonly agreed that the beach bar is undoubtedly the best thing humankind has ever invented. Whether it’s an ocean breeze, a sublime cocktail or soothing tropical music a beach bar is the perfect place to kick back, relax, and make new friends. If you love nothing more than being served a luscious cocktail, while sitting back and watching the waves roll in……then unfortunately Nosara is definitely not for you. Before paying for a ticket be forewarned that Nosara is awash with pesky, altruistic, beatniks with a weird infatuation for putting their money where their ecological mouth is. At some point in the past a do-gooder posse of political party-poopers decided that a turtles right to reproduce trumps your freedom to party. They then imposed rigid development regulations forbidding construction along the Playa Guiones shoreline. If you find yourself sitting in the sand against a backdrop of only tropical vegetation, watching sunset armed only with a guitar and cooler of beers (that you had to lug there yourself) then at least you’ll know who to blame.

2. Lack of creature comforts

To many folks, roughing it in the jungle looks great in the brochure, providing of course they’re not reading that brochure perched on the throne, dreading the imminent, palpable feeling of disgust that accompanies having to place the used toilet paper in the adjacent trash can. Starbucks, McDonalds, Burger King? Forget about it! You might find an ice-cold coke but if it’s trendy shoe stores, fancy beauty products or junk food you’re after then you may want to refund your ticket – pronto. If that’s not an option then at least you can wash away your regrets with a glass of the worlds finest rum (alongside one of the best empanadas this side of anywhere.)

3. Animal attacks

Yep, you heard it right. Sure, they seem adorable on the National Geographic Channel, but wait and see how cute the 350 pound kitty-carnivore looks when he’s barreling towards you at 50mph with the sole intent of bursting your head like a ripe melon. And if you think it’s just the big guys that wreak havoc then apparently you’ve not heard of dengue fever. If you’re unfamiliar with the microscopic ‘Aedes Aegypti’ mosquito then fear not. After tasting the love that this airborne terrorist has to offer you will definitely remember his name (assuming you survive). If you’d rather take the more traditional departure route; at home in a warm bed wit’ ya boots on then Nosara probably isn’t for you.

4. That Playstation you bought your kids will just gather dust

If you choose to move to a place with a huge expanse of stunning beach, skate parks, perfect surf, horse riding and a multitude of other activities to set your child’s pulse racing then be prepared for the consequences. Guaranteed all of the aforementioned activities will see your kids hooked faster than a candy coated angry bird. The phrase “take me to the beach” will echo in your mind like a bad McDonalds TV jingle, which may then ignite a craving for a crappy hamburger, which will come as a double blow upon learning there ain’t none of those in Nosara.

5. Yeah, we’re cute….So what?

Diets to die for, multiculturalism, an abundance of exercise options, clean air and sunny skies have blended gloriously in Nosara to form a biological melting pot of irresistible humans. Many visitors celebrate the fact Nosara boasts a blatantly unfair helping of hot people. However, many others, after realizing that competition is fierce and their perceived prowess won’t prove as effective in this bastion of the beautiful, dejectedly return home and weep inconsolably in front of the mirror.

6. The animals are way too noisy

If the incessantly bright sun rays poking through your curtains every morning aren’t enough to disturb your  slumber then rest assured the jungle dawn chorus will finish the job. Chattering parrots, cicada symphonies, and a cacophony of howler monkeys screeching over who gets to steal the fruit from your mango tree. If hanging out in a modern day Jurassic park is not what you had in mind for your tropical vacation then Nosara is not for you.

7. It rains 3 months of the year

That romantic pitter-patter of raindrops on a tin roof – forget about it. Sunny afternoons between August to November are when the heavens open and unleash torrential deluges and thunderstorms that can often stretch the entire night. If you have ever tried to sleep through a thundering equatorial rainstorm then you’ll understand. If this isn’t enough to dissuade you then consider this: The post-rainstorm jungle can become so incandescently green that you’re going to need sunglasses to protect against going flash blind.

8. Wanderlust will be a distant memory

Many people visit Nosara as a mere stopping point on their epic journey to explore the globe. The phrase “I only came here for a week” is a mantra heard ten years down the road from many such folk whose travel plans were inadvertently intercepted by Nosaras infinite allure. Unfortunately being smitten with a place is a double-edged sword. If you’re the type who whimpers at the thought of ditching your travel schedule after accidentally stumbling upon heaven on earth, then Nosara is most definitely not for you

9. Beach attire or boardroom attire – Whats the difference?

Regardless of where you are in the world choosing ones outfit for the day ahead can be agonizing. Nosara is no different. Much like selecting the correct tie to compliment your shirt, deciding whether your boardshorts, bikini bottoms or yoga pants jibe with your top can be excruciating. Get used to it. Even the executives in Nosara dress like they just emerged from a Castaway themed rainforest rave. For those whom ‘dressing for success’ amounts to a daily donning of the latest designer ensemble this can prove wildly frustrating. Nevertheless, this is Nosara where anything goes, and if wearing a suit is what rocks your socks then go right ahead. Hopefully you won’t get mistaken for a funeral director or federal agent!

10. No-one will care who you were in a previous life

Unless you’ve figured out a way to make your shiny new urban Humvee power a sound system when the electricity goes out, then your high powered, stupendously salaried executive position won’t score you any points with the locals. The natives are gritty, and the expats understand the hard-nosed realism inextricably linked with a plunge into the unknown. Nosara is brimming with authentic, interesting, self-assured people many of whom possess the innate ability to smell a fraud a mile away. If you think relying on your city-slicker wits and bottomless bank-account will score you the type of friends you’re used to, then Nosara is definitely not for you. If however you’re willing to trade being perfect for being authentic, who you have been for who you can become, and substitute trying to impress people with how you can add value to their lives, then maybe, just maybe, Nosara could be for you.